Apparently you make a good broom.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
