I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
