it hurts more in the daytime
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
be right there i have to get my cape
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
