oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize