everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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