i already hear my dad disowning me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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