Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
