Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
