If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
