i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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