I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
