My room smells like vodka and shame
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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