we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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