u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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