I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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