mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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