Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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