Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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