I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
