Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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