she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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