She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
