dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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