I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
