I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
