Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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