just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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