i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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