I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
