she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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