Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
