Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
