I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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