My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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