Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
