Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize