the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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