My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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