mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
