I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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