Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
only you would photoshop your dick
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize