just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
