Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i think my cat just said my name.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
