Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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