thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
