Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
