i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
