You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
