You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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