it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
