can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
