bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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