Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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