i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He passed out mid-signature
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
