I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
