is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
