new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
