I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
