Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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