If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
