Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize