So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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