I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize