Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
