Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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