how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
