Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
