i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My life is pants optional.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
