well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
