dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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