first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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