It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
